(Whispering loudly) Hey…it’s me….Can you speak up? I can’t hear you…(Louder) Hello? Larry? Listen. I’m (Hic)…I’m about to walk in the door…and I need you to make sure mom and…(Hic) dad are asleep. (Shuffling through purse) Where are my keys? (Starts cackling loudly) Oh yeah! Someone took them away from me. (Hic). (Whispering again) I need you to come open the door for me. Okay? (Long pause) (Much louder voice) HELLO! I. NEED. YOU. TO. OPEN. THE. DOOR. FOR. ME. (Pause). Can you not hear me!? Anyways, I’m keeping you on the phone until you open the door. The party was ROCKIN…you know what I mean? Lots of loud music…lots of dancing. (Sighs) I love to dance. I hear the music in my head still…la de da daaaaaaaaaa (Hic). (Loud thud) OUCH! Oh…I think I hurt my knee. (Cackling laugh again) Are you downstairs yet? I need help standing up. Helllllo? I still can’t hear yoooouuuuu. Why haven’t you turned on the lights yet? (Hic) Larry? Hey Larry….I can’t hear you. But if you can hear me, I’M DRUNK! (Cackling laugh again) Oh look! Lights are on. Hi La….Oh…(Whispering loudly) That’s not you, Larry. (Loud again) You aren’t Larry. Or mom even. I don’t know WHO you are (Cackles). Wait! I don’t live here! (Laughs loudly and a dog barks in the distance). I DON’T LIVE HERE! Okay. I’m going…wait. Where am I? THIS ISN’T EVEN MY STREET! (Loudest laugh yet). Okay Larry. I’m on my way. Stay on the phone with me. What? STILL CAN’T HEAR YOU!!! Now…which way do I go? Larry? LARRY!!! (Heeled, stumbling footsteps). Okay, Larry. I like your name. Why did mom and dad name you that? (Pause) What? SPEAK UP!!! (More footsteps) Okay, Larry. I’m going to need you to come find me. I am on a…street…I don’t see any signs anywhere. The house on this corner is a dark….color. The number is 458. Okay? So…COME. FIND. ME!!! Oh look! There is a big tree in this yard. I’m going to sit right here and wait for you, okay Larry? (Grunting noise) Tell me a story while I wait for you. (Long pause). That’s a pretty story, Larry…(Snores)
NPR contest entry, 2012
